It Hurts to Love
by Geezworld234
Summary: Sandra's dealing with the shocking revelations she has been dealt in 'Meat is Murder' Disclaimer: NOT MINE!


"He's my brother" those words that hung high in the air, those words that Sandra Pullman had never imagined she would be saying rang loud ripping apart the silence of her bathroom.

She turned on the shower, body fiercely trembling, bottom lip quivering she tore off her clothes and threw them into the corner of the room. She never wanted to see those pieces of clothing again, the constant reminder that her life with her father was an even bigger lie than she had already thought it to be.

For about an hour she just sat in the shower, her head in her knees, her arms wrapped tightly around them, forming the only sort of comfort she would ever have in connection to her past. When she got home all she wanted to do was drink herself into stupor, it was the only way she could think of making herself numb, or sick, or both. But Sandra decided she actually needed time to gather her thoughts on today's shocking events and she desperately longed to wash any traces of today from every part of her. She could cry here in her own private haven and no one would even know, the hot running shower was fall down her face pushing the tears away so she could convince herself she hadn't been crying. Much.

Detective Inspector Gordon Arthur Pullman, or daddy as he was better known to his beautiful, blue eyed daughter Sandra, was the only person she had ever loved, he was the only person she had ever known how to love partly because as she got older she worried that if she loved anyone else her undying love for her father would evaporate into thin air and mainly because no other man was worth loving half as much as him.

Now when her thoughts turned to him images running through her head were of a man who looked extremely like her father, a young pretty woman and a tiny child all smiling and looking like this moment was the happiest any of them had ever been. Sandra was typically jealous, the man she remembered at this time wasn't the happy, lovey-dovey man he appeared to be in his double life, the Gordon Pullman she knew only smiled when he set eyes on his little girl. This upset Sandra even though it wasn't her fault in the slightest it hurt her so much that she and her mother could never have made him as happy as this Deirdre woman appeared to.

No wonder Sandra had never really loved it hurt too much.

_Love hurts, love scars,  
Love wounds, and mars,  
Any heart, not tough,  
Or strong, enough  
To take a lot of pain,  
Take a lot of pain  
Love is like a cloud  
Holds a lot of rain  
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts_

Each droplet of water that splashed down to the ground around her was a reminder of the times in her life she had needed her dad and he was never there. Like the time when she was almost 14 and she had come home from school to find Grace staggering about the house drunk. Sandra had never seen her mother in such a state before it frightened her, especially after she accidently hit her. Was that because of her father, was he really with his secret little family while this had happed? Everything Sandra had learnt about life had come from the pearls of wisdom Gordon had given her and now it was as if each of those pearls one by one had been crushed under the weight of life itself and were now meaningless, a lot like her relationship wit her father.

_I'm young, I know,  
But even so  
I know a thing, or two  
I learned, from you  
I really learned a lot,  
Really learned a lot  
Love is like a flame  
It burns you when it's hot  
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts_

Some fools think of happiness  
Blissfulness, togetherness  
Some fools fool themselves I guess  
They're not foolin' me

Staring up at the shower head and sighing so loudly it bounced off the tiled Sandra finally was able to pull herself together. She had her time to wallow and feel sorry for herself, she had her time to get her head around this mess and she knew feeling sorry for herself was no her style. Pulling herself up and switching off the shower she knew what she had to do.

Even though she wanted nothing to do with him, she knew eventually she would have to at least speak to Tom, he knew nothing about their father and surely he deserved to know all about the love of Sandra Pullman's life? Perhaps if she got to know him she would find out more about her father and deep down she knew that her father, _their _father would want them to find and help each other.

She might have just about convinced herself of this she had completely convinced herself that love not only hurt it certainly wasn't worth it, even perhaps when it came to family. It was just an abstract concept to her, it didn't mean anything, it didn't hold any value, it was not going to bring her father back and there was no way it could ever undo the events of today.

_I know it isn't true,  
I know it isn't true  
Love is just a lie,  
Made to make you blue  
Love hurts, ooh ooh love hurts  
Ooh ooh love hurts  
Ooh ooh..._


End file.
